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Five People That You’ll Meet Playing Video Games

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Five People That You’ll Meet Playing Video Games

Written by Tony DiGerolamo

Copyright 2011

Video game players have a variety of personalities and most of them are annoying.  Narrowing them down to just one is like picking your favorite movie t-shirt over your favorite superhero t-shirt, there’s a lot of overlap.  Thankfully, our council of scientists were able to use the Genome Project to help break it down to these five.

5:  Barry Buttonsmash:  Barry has no skill.  His strategy is just to mash the buttons until he gets the desired result.  Never mind that your “A” button will soon be unuseable .  On the upside, if you’re playing Barry in a game, just hide out for a minute.  He’ll quickly run out of ammo.  If he’s on your team, well, you’d better hope the aliens top up in the first thirty seconds or Barry will be out and reduced to punching robots.  Next time Barry wants to play Super Mario Brothers, tell him to bring his own controller before he snaps yours in half.  This Toad Costume definites is Barry, he also wears Mario Brothers t-shirts.



4:  Foody Eaterstein:  Foody can’t go one level of Halo without stuffing something into his mouth.  You have to keep a separate controller for him.  You know, the one caked in orange Dorito dust and pizza sauce.  That’s probably because he wedges his controller between the logo on his rock t-shirt and his man tits.  He also wears Halo T-Shirts of course.  Once his controller gets clogged with grease, it’s all over for Foody.


3:  Bitchy Bitcherson:  Bitchy just whines about everything.  His controller doesn’t work, you didn’t explain the game properly or the game itself is somehow targeting his guy unfairly.  He does a lot of crying for a soldier in Call of Duty.  Maybe he should take off that Chuck Norris t-shirt and replace it with a Hello Kitty one.


2:  Chip Cheatcodes:  Chip knows how to suck the fun out of any game.  He reads the online walk thru and then goes right to the hidden bonuses before you can say, “All your base are belong to us”.  Don’t bother trying to talk to any of the characters in the role-playing games, Chip has already memorized which ones to talk to and which ones to kill.  Clues?  Who needs clues when you have the map memorized.


1:  Nathan Newbie:  You’d think Nathan hadn’t played a video game since Atari made them.  He’s the only guy that still asks, “What’s the X button do?”  Having him build a character profile is pure torture any gaming system and he appropriately wears a “I don’t spend enough time playing video games” t-shirt.  He doesn’t.  He really needs practice but he loves video game t-shirts

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