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If Reality Was A Cartoon - Cartoon T-Shirts

If Reality Was a Cartoon Show
By Cody Brotter

Cartoons: we grew up on them, we can wear cartoon t-shirts, but imagine if we could live them. Cartoons. From the “Care Bears” to the “Thundercats,” from Curious George to bi-curious Mighty Mouse (you guys didn’t hear?), life seems a heckuva lot better in a 2D form.

If life were a cartoon, my cat would be Garfield or Felix, not some annoying little jerk that coughs up furballs and misses the litter box on a daily basis.

If life were a cartoon, I’d be at the Drunken Clam with Peter Griffin and his friends on Friday and doing a wake-and-bake with Beavis and Butt-Head on Saturday. That’s why I rock the Beavis and Butthead t-shirts and the Family Guy tee any chance I get. Just to pretend!

If life was a cartoon, every time I ate spinach I would get a six-pack instead of getting nauseous. That “Popeye” t-shirt in the cartoon t-shirt section makes me look as fit as the ol’ sailor.

If life were a cartoon, if someone tried to bomb me, I would probably just look like I was covered in ash instead of blown into a million little pieces. And whenever I would start to move there’d be that cool little high-pitched sound that indicated I was about to magically run faster than Jesse Helms.

If life were a cartoon, I could skip school and just chill out on the corners of Sesame Street and end up being a goddamn Encyclopedia.

And Obama wouldn’t have to worry about sending more or less troops to Afghanistan or Pakistan or Iraqistan because he could just send in G.I. Joe and have him take care of business. In fact, I think our troops should start wearing G.I. Joe t-shirts to let the evil-doers know who’s boss.

If life were a cartoon, my family would be the Simpsons and my friends would be from a town called South Park. Every time my buddy with the orange hoodie died, chances are he’d be back in a week. Does it get any better than that? Oh, yes it does: cartoon t-shirts.