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In Search of the 90s & T-Shirts

In Search of the 90’s
By Cody Brotter

Once upon a time, not so long ago, the economy was okay and Britney Spears wasn’t associated with bipolar bald people.

Once upon a time, Bob Saget was on two separate channels at the same time as both a dad of three and a guy introducing videos of people getting whacked in the nuts. It’s funny because one of our customers contacted us looking for a “Full House” t-shirt so we referred them to our TV t-shirts section and at the same time we personally did a search in our TV t-shirts section and found a funny “Full House” tee with a picture of Bob Saget—daddy Tanner himself. (And, as an aside, the Olsen twins were adorable, and not in the creepy cokehead way they are now.)

In a literary analogy, the 90’s is to Baby Boomers as Daisy Buchanan is to Jay Gatsby. Or in real-life analogies, it’s like a vagina to a man—we all just want to get back there.

Macauly Culkin was “Lost in New York” instead of lost in a haze of crystal meth. And the only thing people wanted to impeach the President of the United States for was getting a blowjay from a chubby girl. Indeed, those were the days…

Maybe it’s just nostalgia but I’m pretty sure old-school Nickelodeon made just about any national conflict go away. Remember when Britney would sing “oops I did it again” and it didn’t refer to a relapse? Or when “Saturday Night Live” managed to be funny without a Digital Short?

And people were just beginning to use the Internet and were actually grateful about it; no one was calling tech support in India screaming, “It hasn’t loaded for 30 seconds! Can I get someone who speaks English please??”

I do remember at one point we were at war with Iraq and a guy named George Bush was president. But at least back then Mister Rogers was on to make it all go away. But hey, now we’ve got Mister Rogers TV t-shirts. Now that’s as damn close as we can get, and it’s pretty damn cool.

Our biggest fear was Y2K and it wasn’t even real. Now we don’t know whether to be pissing ourselves over global warming or nuclear warfare. It’s times like these I almost miss O.J. and his Bronco…